


That's just the way we learned

by StyrofoamSlashPlans



Series: That's just the way we learned [1]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, And some good Bichie friendship, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, At least no Pennywise mentioned, Beverly Marsh is a Good Friend, But a lot of angst to get there, Childhood Trauma, Coming Out, Could be read as platonic but Rich is pining bad, Eddie Kaspbrak is confused, Eventual acceptance, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Misunderstanding, Oh yeah they're kids in this, Period-Typical Homophobia, Pining, Richie Tozier is a gay mess, Richie is sad gay and troubled, Sonia Kaspbrak's A+ Parenting, The other losers are mentioned - Freeform, They're just not here, This is all Reddie, no pennywise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:54:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23417791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StyrofoamSlashPlans/pseuds/StyrofoamSlashPlans
Summary: "Okay, but what if I was?" All comedic implications had left his voice."It doesn't matter, because you aren't.""You don't know that.""Yes, I do, I've known you a long time, I would have known. You aren't like that, Richie." Oh, but he was.Aka: Richie is a mess and comes out to Eddie, Eddie is also a mess and doesn't quite understand it. They work it out.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Series: That's just the way we learned [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1684489
Comments: 4
Kudos: 91





	That's just the way we learned

He hadn't planned it, but then again, he doesn't plan 99.9% of the shit that comes out of his mouth. It kind of just slipped. How something that he held in so well for so long slipped, he has no idea, it just happened. The same way it happened when he told Beverly a few days ago. Except, well, it went a lot worse. Bev hadn't seemed as surprised as he would of thought, she sort of seemed a little happy about it actually, which Richie thought was strange but hey, she accepts it so what the hell. 

"Hey Eddie, what if I was gay?" He regretted the words almost as soon as they left his mouth. They were a harsh break in the comfortable silence that surrounded the two boys. They had been sitting in Eddie's bedroom on a Saturday afternoon, reading comics and talking about things that didn't really matter, while continuing the ever-lasting argument between the two of them about nothing in particular. Eddie paused for a moment before looking up from his book.

"You aren't, Richie. And that isn't something to joke about." Eddie said, dead serious, even though he seemed to think it was all fun and games for Richie. And that's usually how things were, Richie would just barely cross the line with a joke, Eddie would explain to him that he can't say things like that, and Richie would shrug it off, usually with another follow-up joke. This time there was no follow up joke though. And when Eddie looked at Richie's face, there was no grin like there usually was. 

"Okay, but what if I was?" All comedic implications had left his voice. Eddie froze for a few seconds before shaking his head. 

"It doesn't matter, because you aren't." Why does he say that like he knows what goes on in Richie's head? Richie doesn't even know what's going on in there half the time. He narrows his eyes a little.

"You don't know that." He said with a seriousness Eddie had only heard Richie use a handful of times in his many years of knowing him. When Richie had this tone, something was wrong, or he was scared. 

"Yes, I do, I've known you a long time, I would have known. You aren't like that, Richie." Oh, but he was. He was so like that that he was surprised anyone didn't know. And what did he mean 'like that'? Like what? Gay? Dirty? Was he dirty for being like he is? Not wanting to say that out loud, fearing the answer, he stayed quiet for a while, silence filled the room. Almost as soon as it set in, Richie broke it. One of the only things he's good at.

"I am."He could almost see the gears moving in Eddie's head, trying to process what he had just been told. He wouldn't be able to take it. If Eddie left him, he wouldn't be able to stand it. What is he didn't want to be Richie's friend anymore after this. What if he told people? No, Eddie wouldn't do that. Even if he was disgusted with Richie, he wouldn't out him, right? If Eddie leaves him... Richie doesn't know what he'll do. He regretted everything he'd said so far, but there's no going back now. Eddie is the one person he doesn't feel like he could live without. Well, technically he probably could live without him, but his body makes him feel like he wouldn't want to. And yeah, he wouldn't trade any of the other losers for anything in the world, but with Eddie, it was different. He'd known Eddie for so long, and without even knowing it, Eddie had helped Richie know himself better than he ever had. They had a type of friendship that if you were to see them in public, with all their bickering you would have no idea how reliant they really are on each other. It would shatter him to lose that. God, why did he have to say anything at all? Why can he never keep his mouth shut? 

"What?" Eddie said quietly, so quietly that Richie might not have noticed if he weren't so focused on Eddie's reaction at that very moment. Richie sighed like he had just explained the easiest idea in the world to Eddie. The sigh would have seemed dramatic if you didn't know that Richie had been holding his breath. 

"I am." He said, more sternly this time, less quiver in his voice. "I'm gay, Eds." The unwelcome nickname seemed to be the least of Eddie's worries at the moment. Still trying to comprehend what he had been told, Eddie was silent. After a moment, he opened his mouth to speak but couldn't quite find any words.

"Richie, you-" He closed his mouth again, taking more time to think. Richie's heart cracks a little when he sees Eddie scoot away just the slightest bit. 

"You can't be, Richie. You're not. I know I say you're annoying sometimes, and you are, but you aren't like that, you're a good person Richie." He said gently. Richie's heart seems to be having a bad day, because there it goes again. Does liking boys make him a bad person? Does it make him perverted? Richie just shakes his head, not knowing what to say. 

Taking a chance, he slides over, the same distance Eddie did, to make the distance the same as when they started. Eddie jumps just the slightest bit and looks down at his legs. 

"Please stop, Richie. This isn't funny." He still thinks it's a joke? Eddie might be dense but he can't deny it when it's right in front of him. For some reason, this angered Richie a little.

"It's not fucking supposed to be." He spits out harshly, wincing at his own tone of voice. He hadn't meant to be upset with Eddie, but he didn't understand. Why can't he understand that Richie is serious about some things. He goes too far sometimes, he'll admit. But not this far. He sighed before standing up and grabbing his schoolbag, his heart racing a mile a minute.

"'Sorry Eds, I gotta go." He said quickly before rushing out the door. 

He half expects to hear Eddie tell him to wait, maybe call his name, anything really. But instead he remained silent as Richie left. 

-

"Fucking shit, Bev." Richie grumbles as they walk down a backroad of Derry. "It was bad."

"What was bad, Rich? You still haven't told me what's going on." She said, sounding confused but patient. He didn't blame her. He had just called her from his house phone and told her to meet him at a random place in town, telling her it was urgent. He couldn't really say any of this over phone, he was half scared he wouldn't be able to say it at all. 

Richie looks up at the sky for a few seconds. 

"I told Eddie." He said, as if that explained everything that had just happened. Beverly cocks an eyebrow at him.

"Told Eddie what?" 

"What the fuck do you think, Marsh? I told him I'm a fag." Bev winces at the language, still getting used to Richie being open about it. Well, as open as you you can get while still being a mile deep in the closet. 

"I didn't mean to, we were hanging out and it just slipped." 

"Wait, what happened? Why was it bad?" She questioned, slightly worried, knowing how judgmental people can be, even friends. Bev had a lot of experience with being judged for things that she shouldn't, though she might deny it sometimes.

Richie recapped the scenario for Bev, dying a little with every word. Bev had a sympathetic look on her face by the end.

"He fucking hates me, Bev. If I hadn't said anything, he could continue on being his happy little, angry pomeranian self. I've never been good at keeping secrets, and now I ruined this." He kicked a rock and watched it roll down the road a few feet.

"Rich, you kept yourself a secret for a good, what, how many years? A lot. Trust me, you're pretty good at it." That didn't do anything to calm his bustling nerves at all.

"Look, Rich, it's okay. He doesn't hate you." Which Richie kind of doubted judging by the way Eddie had looked at him earlier. "He's just confused, he's spent his whole life being taught that everything different is wrong. You have to give it some time, I'm sure he'll come around." God dammit why was she always right. Richie had to admit, when he first realized it himself, he didn't want to believe it either. There's still a part of him that hates himself over it. 

"Alright, Miss Marsh, that's enough of being a counselor for you." He smiled. "Time to make sure you get home before curfew, maybe if you're good I'll give ya a kiss on your doorstep." Bev laughed and lightly jabbed him in the ribs before continuing on their way back. 

-

When Beverly said to give him time, she probably didn't mean a full two weeks, but hey, if Eddie didn't bring it up, Richie sure as hell wasn't going to. It wasn't that Eddie ignored him or anything, but her certainly didn't seem to want to talk to him as much as usual, and he kept sitting a few feet farther than he would have in the past, which made Richie far more uncomfortable than it probably should have. 

He still told Richie how unfunny he was whenever he made a joke, which was sort of comforting, at least he still talked to him, which he had to say is more than he expected. It wasn't horrible, but it was almost worse than if Eddie had cut him off, because he still could. Whenever Richie saw him, he had the overwhelming fear that he would finally just leave him. Richie would rather Eddie punch him in the fucking face as hard as he could, than ignore him. After two weeks of constant fear of abandonment, Richie had decided it was enough. He had given him time, now he had to sort this out. 

-

When he walked up to Eddie after school the next day, it seemed Eddie was holding something back as well. 

"Alright, we need to talk." It was so close to what Richie had been planning to say, he almost thought he was the one that spoke, but it was Eddie. He was staring at Richie with such intensity that Richie could almost see the anxiety building up in him. 

"Yeah." Richie said weakly. The only thing he could think to say. Instead of saying anything else, Eddie grabbed him tightly and almost painfully around the wrist, dragging him away. 

-

It turns out, Eddie's destination had been the clubhouse, which for someone that claimed to hate it so much, he seemed to go there a lot. 

As soon as they got in there, without even saying anything, Eddie walked over and plopped himself down on the hammock, sitting there stiffly. Since there was no where else to sit, and Richie didn't know if Eddie would be comfortable sitting next to him, he took a seat on the floor in front of The other boy. They sat in silence for a few moments before Eddie seemed to be sick of it.

"Okay, look. I know you're probably expecting an apology, but I just- I can't." He can't what? He can't apologize? He can't deal with what Richie had told him? He can't be around Richie anymore?

"What?" Richie said in a small voice. Eddie sighed before seeming to build himself up to speak again. 

"Richie you- you can't. You can't be like that. People don't-" He cut himself off, took a sharp breath, and continued. 

"People aren't as forgiving as I am, or as Beverly is." Beverly? Had Beverly said something to him? Had he said something to Beverly? How did He know that she knew. Instead of voicing his concerns over that, he decided to focus more on the other thing that Eddie had said. 

"I don't want forgiveness. To be honest I don't give a fuck about what people think of me for what I am. Most people hate me already anyway." Eddie shook his head quickly.

"Richie, no, it's different. They-" Eddie's eyes glared at the floor as he spoke. "They'll want to hurt you- kill you, even, Richie." Richie didn't know what to say to that. He knew it wasn't safe in this town, but people wouldn't possibly want to kill someone just for that, right?

"You haven't heard what they've said about other people like you Richie. Threats, insults, They aren't afraid to follow through with them. People in this town don't like people who are different." What Eddie didn't say out loud, was that a few of those insults had been directed towards him. With his small, almost dainty, form, tidy style, and always combed hair, people had said things. They were never truly meant though, just to jab at him, but he was terrified to know what would happen if someone actually was like that in this town. 

His mom herself had voiced her hatred of 'dirty fags' many times to Eddie, where he just had to keep his head down and agree. 

"Eddie, it's just you guys, I might tell the other losers eventually, but you're the only ones that know, the only ones that probably will ever know until I get out of this hellhole." Eddie seemed to be just a bit more calmed by that. 

"Richie, it'll still be different, now that you're..." Eddie trailed off, looking at the ground in front of his shoes. 

"It doesn't have to be different. I've always been like this Eds, It's just that now you know, I'm still me." Eddie sighed before nodding, Richie could see his eyes start to wet. 

"Richie you can't- Why didn't I see it?" He mumbled around the tears in his voice. Richie smiled.

"I've been told I'm pretty good at keeping secrets. 

"I'm so sorry Richie." He said shaking his head. "But it will take some getting used to." Richie expected that. He had hoped things would stay the same but obviously there would be a little stretches here and there. Richie just smiled.

"It's okay Eds, this is far better than I expected it would turn out." Eddie looked a little put off by that.

"Richie." He paused, speaking quietly. "I know I... I know I don't act like it, but I really do care about you, I would never just leave you. You could kill someone and I'd probably still hang around." He chuckled quietly. 

"Of course you would, someone would have to help me get rid of the bloodstains, and no one does it like you do, Eds." Eddie smiled.

"Don't call me that."

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first story here on Ao3, hope you liked it, and please, leave comments, let me know what you think!


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